Thank you Dean - did you continue to take her to the dar program - wa it not too stressful for her and for you to know that she was unhappy? did you try to have caregivers come into the home instead? do you think it provided you with the needed time away when you were worried that she was unhappy - I don't know that I can just leave him there knowing he is unhappy - and I know that he would not remember but I do.
Doreen did not continue in the day program as her mental situation deteriorated very fast and she was hospitalized. The day program is a fabulous place for the loved ones. I would go home and get a few hours sleep that I so badly needed. I would have been ecstatic if I could have got a full day in! She was very, very possessive of me and wanted to be able to physically see me at all times. I think the time she did spend there was not stressful on her as they do have some of the most incredible saff handling their guests.
Stress is an awful thing. Is he unhappy or are you missing him? If the role was reversed and you were going to a program how would you want your loved one to be, knowing he was under such stress? You would want him to get some rest, time alone or do some errands wouldn't you? I am sure he is so busy there, he won't have time to be unhappy. In addition he will be forming friendships with others in a similar situation and to me it doesn't seem fair to deprive him of this. The common thread I hear from the loved ones of people in the program is that they really look forward to going to see their friends. The loved ones are usually so busy they don't think of you. Don't deprive him of this opportunity as you both need it. The program is actually not for our loved ones but for us to get respite. The same thing goes for your in home care. It is not directed at the loved one but at the caregiver as society realizes that it is extremly stressful on a caregiver and they DO need a break.
In our case, Doreen only had an in home support person twice before she was hospitalized and then to LTC. I have lived my life by the simple rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Your personal mandate for your husband should be to be sure he is clean, safe and happy. Clean meaning his personal care keeps him that way. Safe meaning that when he is not with you he is in a secure enviroment. Happy meaning he is with people that care about his well being and keep his mind in a positive state. The day program meets all of you loved ones needs.
God Bless and thank you for loving your loved one so much that you are meeting both of your needs by letting him go to the program.