Thank you both, Karen & Ashley for the support and kind words.
After Chris was diagnosed Jan/13, he continued to work till March/13, he couldn't perform his work anymore. For another month or so, he continued to drive. We had a near miss, I mean, we were both so badly shaken up, as he very nearly mowed down 3 pedestrians going thru a red light, as he tried to go around a bus at an intersection downtown. That was the last time he drove. Having worked for Motor Vehicles and AMA my whole career, I took him down and we exchanged his licence for a non driver ID card. I am disabled too, so we have a placcard on the vehicle. All this happened within the first 6 months of diagnosis. Did I mention he has a benign brain tumour as well?
So we saw both the neurosurgeon and the neurologist since my last post. I found out that if he ends up in care, they will stop monitoring the brain tumour. I have all the paperwork done, EPOA, Wills, Personal Directives, I've even prepaid both our funerals. We have only one son, he's 34 with a wife and family and lives an hour out of town. I didn't want to put all this on him, so I've taken care of everything, including the plot arrangements in Ottawa.
I decided today, that from now on, I'm going to live for today and stop worrrying about things that are out of my control.The Case Worker came last Wed. It was not easy to talk about him while he was sitting right there with us. If you didn't know he had dementia, you wouln't notice it just by talking to him. Apparently, the Dr's don't think it's Alz, but some other form of dementia.
I think his case worker left here thinking that we are still "independant". She mentioned Meals on Wheels if I can't be here (eg: was in the hospital sick a week ago, 5am Sunday when the clocks changed, I had to cab back and forth to the hospital, and I couldn't stay for observation, because my Chris was alone at home. I'm still sick.
She mentioned the Kipness Centre, maybe getting him involved in an art class, he is/was very artistic, carved horses, sang and played guitar. Could make anything out of wood. Maybe he would enjoy that, although he says he's a "home body" and would rather stay home, he doesn't realize I could use some time to myself during the day, rather than staying up all hours of the night to accomplish the piles of paperwork I have in front of me.
I'm very worried about 3 things in particular. 1) what if I get run down - again. What if I get depressed and take it out on him? and 2) How will we be able to live apart at any point in time, financially it will be a burden for sure, and he /we have a small dog and they are very much attached, and 3) How much longer can I stay living here? I can't do the yard work alone, I have to pay now to have anything done in the house, because the insurance company is paying the mortgage and credit line, I'm stuck and can't move for at least another 18 months. LTC scares the crap outta me. We can't afford 2 residences and with the mortgage paid up, its cheaper for me to stay here. I know my faith in God will see me thru all this. I promised I'd stop obsessing over what's to come.
I will call the number for the care partner living in Edm line, and talk to someone there. I'm just going to take things one day at a time, and stay in touch with the case worker, and clear up a few things. And before it's too late, sometime between now and June, I'm going to arrange for the honeymoon we never had, a trip to Jamaica for our 40th anniversary in 2016, God willing. Thank you both again for the great support. (Betty)